What if English Nouns Had Gender?
The English language, unlike German and French, doesn't know grammatical gender. But what if it did? Which nouns would be masculine and which would be feminine? A few suggestions:
SWISS ARMY KNIFE
- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles of beer.
KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and is often overinflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider: it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying....
ZIPLOC BAGS
- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
PENLIGHT -- male, because it can be turned on very easily, but isn't very bright.
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